The whole world is obsessed with sex.
Having it. Not having it. Best techniques. How to do it better, faster, harder, stronger, longer.
But, that’s not what I want to talk about. If you want to have more sex, there’s plenty of info out there for you to Google. I want to talk about the ways you can turn your life into sex.
How can we bring sexual energy into our day to day life? How can we use it to live more mindful, sensual and luscious lives? Sexual energy is something you constantly have at your disposal, whether you’re feeling particularly sexual that day, or not. When we start allowing that energy to come to the surface more often, we can infuse it into our lives to be more creative, confident and authentic versions of ourselves.
So does that mean we need to start having more sex?
Sure…that can be helpful, but there are even more ways to keep that sexy energy on a constant, low simmer.
Start Seeing Sex in the Mundane
Can picking out tomatoes at the grocery store be sexy? How about locking your door? Washing your hair? How can you make these tasks more sensual?
Start looking for ways to spice up every day tasks. You don’t necessarily have to do anything different, just be more intentional about them. Notice every aspect of what you’re doing. Ask yourself ‘How is this sexy?’ and let your mind run wild to fill in the blanks. Are the tomatoes supple and firm? Does it feel good to run your hands through your soft wet hair? And locking the door? Well…that’s just too easy.
Your brain will start to make these connections automatically, after awhile. Side effects may include: getting turned on in the produce aisle.
When you start to infusing sex into menial tasks, you may notice that they take a bit longer. That’s because slow is sexy. The more we decrease our speed, the more attention and time we’re giving to something (or someone) and attention is a sign of affection.
You are showing affection to your life when you slow down and take your time.
How intentional can you be as you leisurely pick up your coffee cup? As you lazily wrap both hands around it’s solid base and deliberately raise it to your mouth. Calmly licking your lips and taking a long, deep sip from your cup, then placing it gently back down, from whence it came.
Mindfulness is a way of bringing presence, purpose and attention to the things we do. This practice helps us stay in the moment, while enjoying everything it has to offer.
I believe mindfulness and (good) sex are intrinsicly linked.
That doesn’t mean that all good sex is slow or that faster paced sex is less valuable. Although it is easier to be mindful if you go slow. It just means that paying attention to each and every thing you do, regardless of speed, brings value and more intense pleasure into the moment.
Make the Erotic Part of Your Life
Items hold emotional weight to humans.
We attach our own ideas and experiences onto things, even though it may not seem rational to do so.
For example, let’s say I have a really nice cashmere sweater. It’s in your favourite colour, it’s soft, it smells good and it fits you perfectly. I’m giving it to you. It’s yours to keep, but as a side note, that sweater belonged to a serial killer. Still interested? Maybe to sell it, but after learning about the sweater’s previous owner, people are less likely to want to wear it. It still has all the amazing properties you loved about it to begin with, but now it’s been tainted by…what? The energy of the person who used to own it?
That’s an extreme example, but humans endow power to objects based on their meaning to us. It’s why you can feel extra confident in your favourite outfit. It’s also why being around sexy things, makes you feel sexier.
Start decorating with gorgeous sex toys. Leave a few sensual items on your bedside table like flowers or candles. Wear sexy underwear beneath your work clothes. Just having these things in your space can change your entire outlook on the day. Touching these items can have even more of an impact. Pick up a toy and inspect it like you’ve never seen it before or run your hands over the satin of your lingerie to give yourself a boost of sexy, sensual energy.
Be aware of the things you keep in your space. Are they filling you with energy or depleting you?
Have More Solo Playdates
You knew you weren’t going to make it out of here without a little sex talk…
Touching our bodies is the fastest way to connect with sexual energy. If you start by incorporating all of the advice above, you’ll most likely be primed and ready for a solo session.
Keeping these tips in mind, can make for an even sexier playdate.
How can laying down a towel be sexy? How slowly can you move your hands across your skin? What items can you wear, lay out, play with that will bump up the eroticism of the moment?
Sexual energy and orgasms are more valuable than we give them credit for. They boost confidence, mood and endorphins. They have a plethora of different health benefits. They feel amazing and they connect you with your body, on a whole new level. The more sexual experiences you have with yourself, the better you’ll know your needs and boundaries, which is an extremely powerful tool to have.
You don’t need a partner to live a sexually charged life. You can infuse sex into every aspect of your day to day, to create a constant buzz of sexual energy that will leave you glowing, confident and more able to choose what holds value to you and what doesn’t. When you’re living a sex infused life, you don’t have time for anything (or anyone) that isn’t going to bring you pleasure.
Jennifer Doan is a sex educator, coach and the host of the podcast Taking Back Slut. Jennifer is committed to helping people connect to their sexual power in a way that feels safe and comfortable to them. Connect with her on Instagram @jenn_doan for sex rants and unapologetic nudes.