If the pandemic has done a number on your libido, you’re not alone. Many people are reporting a change in their sexual desire, due to the pandemic.
The reality is that even a small amount of stress and uncertainty can mean ‘buh bye sexy times,’ as your libido can be highly sensitive to anxiety. So if you’re not feeling your sexiest self, that’s totally normal.
So, how can you regain the desire for sex again? If you miss your libido, we’ve got some tips! Here are a few ways you can jump start your desire and get back to feeling sexy again.
The easiest way to get in the mood is by adding more sex to your routine. When your body is used to being turned on, it can access that feeling more readily.
Set some time aside each week to enjoy some solo sex. You can light candles, play music and make your space feel safe and welcoming. You can even create a ritual around solo sex through simple actions like laying out a towel or gathering your lube, toys and other tools. Making a personal routine, that feels good to you, makes the experience feel more intimate and less passive.
Sext It Up
If you have a partner, or someone you enjoy sexting with, have them send you some naughty texts throughout the week. Sometimes the right dirty words are all you need to get you going.
If you’re worried about text being seen by other people, set up a texting safe word that you send them before you’re at work or with family.
Text ‘banana’ to let them know you’re unavailable for sexting and ‘banana off’ to indicate you’re ready to talk dirty again. Always check-in before sexting someone to make sure they’re open to it.
Do Things that Make You Feel Sexy
We all have different sexy triggers. Some people like to wear sexy underwear under their clothes or dance around naked or listen to certain types of music. Find what makes you feel your sexiest and make a list. That way you can refer to your list of things to do, the next time you want to feel sexy.
Notice the moments when you feel sexy and take note. Even if they feel few and far between. What about the moment makes you feel sexy? What can you incorporate into your day to day?
Don’t Do Anything
You also don’t have to do anything. You are not obligated to want sex. Ever. But especially during one of the most stressful events of our lifetime.
If you don’t want sex, you just don’t and that’s completely valid. You don’t have to have a high libido to be worthy.
Whether your libido is feeling non-existent or over-active, there’s no right way to feel right now. I don’t want to use the word ‘unprecedented’ for the millionth time, but we truly are in strange times and whatever you need to do to make it through is entirely up to you. Have all the sex or have zero sex. Both are totally normal. But if your truly WANT to increase your libido, these tips can be a great jumping off point
Jennifer Doan is a sex educator, coach and the host of the podcast Taking Back Slut. Jennifer is committed to helping people connect to their sexual power in a way that feels safe and comfortable to them. Connect with her on Instagram @jenn_doan for sex rants and unapologetic nudes.